hmmm. i haf so much things so much things to say. i've this weird habit. i mus write everythin down. maybe i wun see at all. bt i jus wan to write. some feelings are jus so unique or special or irritating or watever tt i jus n mus write down. if nt my heart jus dun feel ta1 shi2.. hmm.

talk bout yest first. went to yx's condo n went downstairs to do pw op preparation.. ended up slacking n only taping xr's speech.. n we recorded some interviews.. quite funny. lol. haha. wen i get them i will upload them provided e file size is nt too big.. hee. yep. n realised koreans can be quite aggressive. e 2 young girls in e pool. despite having their father there with them were v aggressive wen i tried to play w them. on contrast. there's a japanese gal.. younger than them. think only 3? haha. she played w us n made me so excited! haha. xr n i held her hands n it was so small n cute! hahaha. yep.

den went to meet mrs lai. haha. ended up playing w her youngest daughter - grace. time really flies. rmb wen we were in sec 1 n we went to visit her. goodness grace was still a baby. yest saw her she was alr 4 n could like run around. she can speak rather clearly n well. n she doesn't speak singlish! hahaha. parental guidance i shld call?:P haha. anw. she didn't seem to like ancestor. haha. she only kept taggin at me n ka:P haha. she really v cute. at first she kept hiding behind mrs lai.. after a while she started playing w me n ka. bt i like kids more. so i played w her damn wildly:P hahaha. ka said she wun give birth to kids in future. hahhaha. bt kids are so cute! hahahah. anw.. yep.. she told mrs lai a secret. haha.she told mrs lai she loved e 2 of us. hahahhaa. realised tt gift of reading really taught me how to play n communicate w children! haha. realised i could play w her. haha. anw e 3 of them really v fun n adorable. their age gap quite close so will do all e crazy things tgt. on car to mrs lai's hs. e 3 of them were making e pigs' sound n kept ka, ancestor n me so entertained! hahaha. den after tt the 3 of them started doing puppet show at their house! haha. goodness. really was v entertaining. maybe it looked v silly. bt e 3 of us were really laughing out frm e bottom of our hearts.. truly happy.. dun think they were bt i def wasn't laughin at their silliness. bt laughin at e surprises they brought us. e adorable-ness.. e unity. haha. really fun! n mrs lai's son george was damn funny! wen mrs lai wanted to introduce us to him. he said, "i dun wan to haf girlfriends!" ahhahaha. e 3 of us jus burst out laughin! hahahaha.

anw.. yep.. after tt i jus kept playing w grace.. she really stuck to me like glue. haha. bt tt's coz ka wasn't v interested to entertain her.. poor ancestor.. haha. bt dun sad k ancestor! still got ka n me love u! haha. yep.. n she really will say "love" tt word.. n she really kept huggin me! haha. so sweet! haha. bt think tt's w kids ba. someone new.. they wld tend to open up n really like tt person. bt think as we grow older. we'll feel more comfortable w ppl we noe ba. yep. bt to new ppl. there's always still get idea n feel of freshness. tt xin1 xian1 gan3. haha. yep.

haha. n wen she was eating dinner. her maid was feeding her. n she didn't wan to drink e soup. she kept sa jiao1-ing to her maid, they call her "kaka".. haha. den eventually i managed to coax her to drink. haha. at first i thot of using sth to exhange w her. like if she dun drink den i dun let her get hold of e poker cards we were playing. bt realised tt in gift. we've this v vague idea of nt using rewards all e time.. coz it will make children think tt they do sth mus haf rewards in return. so i didn't do tt. eventually she wanted to get our of e chair(tt kind of baby chair) herself. n i was afraid she wld upset tt bowl of soup so i carried her. n she insisted on nt drinkin n coming out. so i carried her n got her to stand on e chair while i coax her.. bt she insisted on standing on e floor. den i made her gou1 shou zhi3 to make sure she wun run away. haha. n she didn't. so i asked her whether she was a good gal. good gals shld drink e soup. den she said she's a naughty gal. haha. den i said no, i think u're a good gal! n asked her if she was a good gal. haha. n i kept telling her e soup was healthy which i realy think so ba. haha. n after i told her she was a good gal. haha. she agreed to drink! haha. n she really drink until one drop also nt left over! haha. so happy man! haa. in b/w i got try e soup myself. i intended to use tt to make her drink more haha bt it was indeed nice!haha. n after hearing me say nice think she was more tempted to drink. haha. n i fed her! haha. so you man zu gan! haha. bt i guess partly is really coz of e freshness of knowing someone new. esp for children.. tt made her more willing to listen to me. haha. yep. n she knew how to say thanks wen ppl got her to say. really sweet. n wen i told her to say thanks to her brother for helping her to open her bottle. she said "thank you gor gor" haha. sounded so sweet to me. maybe coz i thot she wun use "gor gor" ba. since her family speaks english. bt she still uses it..i jus think tt gorgor, jiejie, mummy, daddy are more dear than brother, sister, mum n dad. haha. yep..

anw. e star of e show was supposed to mrs lai. bt i totally shifted it to grace:P haha. yep. hee. bt we did talk la. haha she quite funny. was still sayin tt we're more free since dun need take O'levels. haha. den we told her we r alr in J1!hahaha. n she treated us to ice cream coz we didn't wan to eat staple food. hee. n she said sth which stunned me. she said she still had my worksheets at her house. hahahah! coz in e past she used them as model answers. hahaha. wah!btw. she taught me maths wen i was in P6. hahaha. n she always thot of me as a super good n smart gal! haha. luckily i didn't disappoint her or myself. i got my A*. heee. yep.. n think she's nt doing too bad also. her 3 children i think quite well-taught.. nt v rude.. v good at making ppl happy. jus hope tt grace wun get spoilt. bt think wun la. got mrs lai, her husband who seemed rather strict n their kaka whom i think is v nice! haha. yep.

anw i was thinking of tt worksheet thing wen i was walking back frm dinner jus nw. jus thot of how good a gal i was in e past. so outstanding i guess i can say? yep. n now? haiyo.. whole day slack n heck. n still talk like a sam ba! haha. bt i guess it's okay ba.. i still am happy n i dun think i m leading a ircorrigible life. yep. happy can already.. n anw. my CCA got zhao luo4 le. dunno if i've said this. bt yep. Interact pres has said okay to me joinin le. hee.

n i saw 2 sisters racing past me jus nw. tt younger one won.. n towards e last lap.. she really chiong-ed... was jus looking at them, esp e younger one n thinking of e lack of tt heck care.. all-out attitude now.. someone i felt tt wen i was young. i was more of someone who really go all-out. now i often tell myself i'm trying hard.. bt i noe tt actually i haven't reach tt 100% yet. bt there's jus this lack of courage ba. this fear of failing v badly.. so many things to consider nw.. tt's why sometimes i jus let go/give up. rmb tt time me n jie were like playing n we raced to da jie's car. wen it's like left w 10m? i knew i was a bit losing.. n i was v scared of falling down. so i jus gave up n i slowed down. nt tt this is sth tt is buggin me. bt seeing those 2 gals run i thot of me n jie.. haha. n tt fear of falling down is wat i mean by many things to take into account. wen i was young. perhaps ignorant ba. really dun care so much de.. rmb wen i was 6. got once jie n me raced also.. n i fell down n e nail went into my knee. we went home n think mummy or dad pulled it out for me n jus placed a plaster or sth over.. nw think of tt time actually v dangerous.. coz got haf gotten infection bt didn't even see a doc. bt anw.. yep.. tt time race means go all out. die die mus win.. nt tt lose le will be v unhappy. bt there isn't a "nvm.. jus playing" attitude. wan to race mus go all out. mus try to win.. bt nw. many things also pass it off as nothing big. suan4 le. ya lo. jus tt lack of po4 li4 ba i shld say. everythin also procrastinate. yep.. i m nt v desperately looking back for tt chong1 jin4.. to me it isn't everythin yet. bt if i can haf it back. wld be good. if can't.. den be tt more common me ba. anw. winning is really nt everything.. sometimes wen we see winning too greatly/heavily. really will feel hurt more easily! haha. yep. n anw. really think tt time damn pro. it's damn damn pain i guess? can't rmb e feel le. bt i actually didn't scream or yell or anything. really is grow up le.. become more ham4. bt guess till nw it's nt a serious prob yet ba? hee.

yep.. n was thinking again. really come to JC.. become even more timid. more reliant. keep thinkin of e days at SMC hotel.. dunno how i find tt courage to go to work alone.. try so hard alone. all by myself. it's really nt e money nor e experience tt was pushing me.. bt jus could do it. come to JC le.. everythin also need company.. everythin also cannot take it. quit guitar.. couldn't fit into e class intially.. afraid of this afraid of tt. hmm. also dunno whether izzit grow older le den v scared of paiseh. maybe as we grow. face becomes more impt? hmm.

yep.. finished watching jia1 hao yue4 yuan2 le! it's really nice. i wld strongly recommend it. e storyline really good. can be compared to e first one - tang xin1 feng1 bao4. dare say e 2nd one more jing3 cou4.. more things happening. maybe e number of children increased frm 4 to 7. haha. yep.. bt it's really a show worth reflecting on. rmb tt time jie recommended e first one. bt i only watched till it came out on SCV tv. yep.. after watching it i was v v touched by e family's unity n togetherness. i liked it alot wen e 4 of them played tgt. i saw how much their father dote on them. how sharp their mum was. n how tt evil small mum can be.. bt also how much she loved her son..n i saw how ppl can sacrifice for their loved ones.. can jus be giving so much to the other secretly.. saw a bit of friendship.. bt mainly family love n BGR love. yep..

nw e 2nd one.. also bout e same. mainly family love n BGR love. bt this time round really more parent-child love.. i saw how sharp tt mum is still! bt this time round i saw v clearly tt everything was for her children.. tt previous time it's for e family to stay united.. yep.. n this time round realised tt she really was someone worth everyone's respect. she understood how ppl think n how to counter ppl. she knew wat kind of character one shld haf. she stood still to her principles. right till e end. she loved her children n protected them. i rmb she raised an example to warn tt 2nd wife nt to touch her children. she said tt chickens are v cowardly.. bt wen e eagles want to eat her little children. (she banged the table and raised her voice) she asked tt 2nd wife. do u noe wat e mother hen wld do? she wld su4 qi3 her feathers and stand right before them to protect them. wah. really touched me. ppl who do play traditional games wld def haf played lao ying zhua xiao ji1 this game..so i could understand her bi yu even better. yep.. tt's why they always say:

"dun be afraid, mummy is in e living room"

haha. in canto think it rhyms ba. nt too sure if it's living room at e back. bt it's jus sth like dun be afraid.. no matter wat happens. there's their mother there to protect them.

i also saw e 2 elderly's love for their grandchildren. their desire to protect them. n e father's.. even tho he divorced w her wife. she still loved his children dearly.. this is sth tt i really envy them ba. dunno if it's jus sth tt hongkongers do.. bt after watching these 2 n e ba4 ba4 bi4 yi4 show. realised tt parents' love for children can be so selfless.. really selfless. n they can really understand their children.. in e same way. their children love them e same way. they really wan to protect their parents e way they've done.. maybe it's jus drama? bt i do believe in it. ppl always say, "it's nt tt they(parents) dun love u. jus tt u can't see it" hmm. bt why is it tt in drama it's so obvious? tt mother(they call her he-ma1).. she scolds them. she can for e sake of family peace, get e daughter to tolerate n give in. she scolds her for being rude to the latter's aunt even tho tt aunt is more at fault. she gets them to apologise.. she slaps her daughter for a misunderstanding. bt in e end.. her daughter can still write an apology letter jus to get her forgiveness. she said tt she was willing to stop all e probing in. tho she was more of e one who was e innocent party. bt she was willing to give up her principles jus to get her mother's/the family's forgiveness.

shld i say it's tt her mother taught her well? or shld i say tt coz she was partly at fault. so she was willing to apologise. or was it tt family happiness tt made her willing to apologise.. or was it her mother's running on e street n crying to find her e first time she left home tt made her willing to apologise? i dunno if u guys get wat i mean. bt simply said. her mother scolds her, her mother dun treat her like a treasure n like spoils her. bt she loves her mother so so much.. tt's wat i mean by who say love can't be seen? her mum treats her e way probably any of our mums do.. bt her mother's love can be seen. i saw it. i saw how her mum cries wen she gets missing. i saw how her mum left so many messages in her voicemail wen she turned off her phone. i saw how her mum runs on e street n nearly cries wen she can't find her..

maybe u guys are thinking.. it's jus drama. maybe u guys wld say it's jus coz u haven't leave home n ur mum hasn't find u missing yet..

yes. i do nt deny tt our mother loves us. bt tt's nt wat i wan or maybe tt's nt enough ba. our family had a prob. she solved it by praying.. by burning joss sticks to our ancestor.. tt's ONE of her ways of showing love. bt nobody can see it.. maybe u guys wld say.. pls. if nt go around telling everyone she loves u? no. tt's nt i wan. he-ma doesn't tell everyone she loves her children. she also sacrifice secretly.. bt i can see her love. hmm. it's a kind of nv-give-up.. really no-complaints kind of love.. really. maybe i m jus asking too much ba.. i dun think any of our mothers are able to do tt yet? coz tt day i went to e bookshop at my house there. i saw how tt shop auntie nagged at her son. she said, " u only noe how to stay back in sch n play basketball. keep playing keep playing. play until also dun wan to focus on ur studies".. something like tt. n her son think was saying sth to her. forgot bout it. bt really felt quite "familiar" to tt scene. i jus dunno why parents can't sit down n spend time communicating w children. find out wat they really wan. i dun think ka's mum can.. n i dun tink ancestor's parents haf achieved tt yet.. ka n ancestor forgive me for saying this. bt this is jus my observation. tt day i went to ancestor's house to stay.. her mum on e way of driving us to sch. she kept telling ancestor to be careful. she also like waste many marks on carelessness n dun give herself pressure. think those things were true ba. wen ancestor was in pri sch? or maybe sec sch. bt wat was facing ancestor at a JC level was really e toughness of e content.. wat was facing her was no longer whether she could get tt A anot. bt whether she can pass anot. or maybe even tt "S" anot.. i'm nt sayin ancestors' parents dun care. maybe they noe.. or rather i wld say i think ancestor do tell them.. jus tt wen a parent dunno how to help her children w content. all she can do is to give general advices like dun be stressed, relaxed n dun be careless. n in fact i wld think tt ancestor's parents haf been e best role models i've ever seen le. jus tt wen i noe bout ancestor's actual problems in maths n her mum's advice.. there's distance. there's a gap.. yep..

think tt's e prob w generation gap ba? wen ppl dun feel like asking, they assume. wen they assume. they dunno wat ppl really are thinking. i still rmb wen i was in P4. my dad once scolded me.. it's a long story. bt i only want to quote a part of it. he told me, "if u dun pass ur exams, u better watch out". he was v v angry. nt jus for results btw.. bt one of e reasons was results.. e reason being i watch tv till late night bout 1, 2am everyday. bt tt time was afternoon session. so i had all e time in e world to watch tv till late nights.. bt he said tt to me. i didn't work exceptionally hard to make him nt worry nor to prove him wrong. coz to me. his views didn't really matter much. n at tt young age. wat do i noe bout nt making ppl worried? yep.. i also didn't noe wat exactly was wrong. my results weren't e best. bt they def weren't border line. bt he said those things.. i was crying.. nt coz of this. was coz of e other thing tt he was scolding me for.. yep. bt wen i heard this. i actually was v angry. coz i jus knew tt i know my things well. i was someone who was rather hardworking. i was in e best class. my results were nv a worry. bt he jus said tt. i also dun rmb whether was it tt for Common test my results dropped tt's why he said tt. bt anw.. he jus said all these which i think is rubbish. nw i aren't angry coz i really do mean it wen i say tt he dun matter tt much to me. bt ya. jus rubbish..

anw wat i wan to say was. haha. forgot le. yep.. parents or rather ppl like to assume. they dunno wat their children wan.. they jus assume.. i guess i've said this too many times le ba.. wat i wan is nt tt 3meals, a house.. i wan more than tt. bt guess say le also feel sick n sian.. yep.. anw. i also nt mentioning it to her. if i dun mention.she wun noe she has to change she wun change n i wld forever be complaining. so yep. no point.

bt anw. i m talking bout this coz i feel tt recently there's a situation tt fits into this context. wat we shld be seeing shldn't be frustration nor heck-care-ness. honestly. i do feel rather pissed off too sometimess. bt cannot. we cannot n shld nt be feeling this. i jus kept thinking wat wld he-ma do if she's thrown into this situation. how wld she solve it? izzit jus drama tt everything can be solved so easily, so fair n squarely? maybe she wun find it a challenge also. coz her children haf been w her since young. her has tt bridge w them. she has tt position of a role model to them to be able to advise them n correct them.. or maybe there jus isn't someone in this world who has such a perfect character like her ba. she noes her right n wrong well. she has tt perfect judgement n perfect advice. she noes where's e line. she noes wen to speak up n wen not to. she noes how to tolerate. she noes how to give ppl e stage to come down. she noes how to control her temper. she noes wen to give in. she noes wat's important n wat's not. she noes how to love her children n e family.. yep.. bt so far all i noe is there isn't someone like this in my world. i guess i wun aim to be like her ba. or maybe i wun achieve it? i dun wan to tolerate like her. if someone really let me down, i wun tolerate his/her nonsense. i wun be so graceful to still exchange talks w tt person. i wun be able to nt complain at all n suffer all by myself. yep. i mus haf my temper.. i wun allow myself to be overly bullied by ppl. yep..

anw.. how i wish there's someone like her to zuo4 zhen4 in my family or in my life. bt i guess sometimes it's w.o these ppl tt others will get e chance to grow. to face setbacks.. to overcome onstacles ba.. tt's why i do feel lucky somtimes tt my mum isn't an overly strict mum or overly dote-on-children mum.. tt's why i got my freedom n i got my chance to grow. bt i still stand by my stand, n tt's all these can be achieved at e same time jus tt it's nt easy.

as i look at my own parents, my friends' parents, all these drama, e little children i meet in my life so far n gift of reading children. i really do think a lot. i really really wan to give my children e best i can. nt in terms of material needs.. bt really e best situation n environment to grow. i wan my children to grow up noe-ing tt i love them.. noe-ing tt there's always tt family to return to.. noe-ing wat's right n wat's wrong.. noe-ing wat principles are. having good moral character.. n noe-ing how to handle problems n difficulties.. yep.. nt easy of coz.. bt try..

perhaps sometimes in drama. they jus dun portray e little problems in life.. jus like yest wen i was playin w grace. i actually felt a bit tired after a while.. can't imagine me playing w her like tt everyday.. i will be super tired n guess i'll get frustrated after some time ba.. yep.. they potrayed big problems like possibly gng to jail/divorce/splitting family estate.. bt they dun show small things.. like getttin frustrated w house work, w sch work, w office work.. yep. n many many small things ba.. yep. bt anw. i still think tt tt kind of seemingly-utopia is achievable. yep.

haha. i feel like i'm like sharin my plans on how to teach my children like tt. haha. let me be more realistic n talk bout e show ba. haha. i type till a bit sian le lo. hahaa. can imagine maybe u guys also sian diao alr. haha. if so, dun need read everythin. hahaha.

yep. i really really like e closeness of e family. tt kind of tian1 lun2 zhi1 le4 s really sth tt can make me laugh w them in e show.. maybe they're doing stupid things. like e family game.. really stupid it may seem bt i will smile. e stupid imitating of ppl they do will make me laugh. their cuddling tgt makes me feel v sweet.

it's so nice wen they sang tt song for their youngest sister.. to cheer her up for her falling out of love.. wen they sang it on her wedding dinner. so touching wen tt gal got her mum to translate her vow for her(coz she's a mute).. so touching wen she shared how her brother noes her feelings wen she was interviewing for a job..

for e first 10episodes.. i really almost every epispode also cry! i felt so upset wen tt eldest son told her mum to keep e file for him.. coz his mum told me to follow the dad so as to take care of his younger siblings.. like being e undercover cops like tt.. n he said " den u mus keep my file properly wor, cannot refuse to recognise me as ur son in future wor".. wah. tt kind of "yes" was really so so suan1.. can feel how sad e mother was to hear tt.. n wen they were forced to be separated tt scene. n tt scene wen he-ma was liking pleading them to nt sue her sister for slander n e 2nd wife's daughter came down telling her to stop begging n tt she wld find e money for her sister to apologise on e papers no matter wat. wah. i jus cried chu1 sheng1.. haha. still got many many more. seeing how sad e mother felt at many many times.. really jus uncontrollably cry..

yep. n it's always prob after prob. seeing how they solve it tgt.. how they stood together n eventually managing to get e whole family tgt.. tt kind of support tt they promise each other n of coz doing it.. really v touching.. i really feel wat they feel. be it happiness, sadness, anger, grief n love. this is why i say hongkong shows are always nice! the storyline is meaningful, e actors/actresses are really quality ones n the shows are jus GOOD! hahaha. yep yep. if u guys free, go watch ya. can go tvdai.com or go youtube.. haha. youtube i got tt private link. can come ask me for it. loads faster than tvdai bt it's split into many many parts plus it doesn't haf e chinese version. bt there's always subtitles except ep 15. really go watch. haha. wait for channel 8/U.. can wait for another 1 or 2 years? or maybe they wun even show:P hee. bt of coz dun wan nvm.. frm e show i've understood wat is advice, wat is demand n wat's freedom.. think wat parents tt i see around me lacks is tt respect for their children's decision ba. haha.

yep.. n of coz i keep expecting so much frm my parents. i of coz will try to do tt for my children in future. wait till e time comes ba. haha.hopefully it will come ba. hahaha.

k la. actually i got a lot more to say de. bt tt kind of spontaneous feelings i forgot all e moment i started my long long blog post. haha. in future rmb than share ba. hee.

hmm. pw is gng end in 3 days time!:D no more PW!:D bt i can say i really like my grp now! hee.
pat is a "xiu jie"!:P haha.

hmm. n time really flies. it's nov alr n it's gng to be another year gone soon!

new year is coming n i'm still so fat! how to find skinny clothes? n yest mrs lai said i fat le(in a not so mean way). wah!

kheng(:
03-11-08
I became prettier at 8:37 PM

Navigations above.
(your disclaimer/welcome message here)

Ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly.
Ugly is the new cute.

Kheng. This is private.

link
link
link
link
link
link
link
link


Skin by 'Pop
Base code by Animate_
Made in Adobe Photoshop CS3
Resources ONE | TWO | THREE

Your tagboard here:D