haha. jus wanna come blog a while. coz pw grp mates nv send me their latest drafts. dun feel like helping them do research:P so slack a bit. n blog a while. hee. yep. nothing much bah. jus wanna say: i seriously dun like ppl to control my life! i dun mind ppl advising me. in fact i believe n i noe i need a lot of tt. bt i dun like ppl to make decisions for me. to do my things for me. coz i nv ask them to do so! i noe they are being nice. bt mus see when n where n wat is e thing. n look at my situation before like touching my stuff.. helping me w this n tt. i appreciate ppl's help! i really do. coz i do think i m quite a helpful person.. n i wld of coz appreciate ppl's help. yep. if u really dunno wat i wan. u can always jus ask if i need help. if u think tt is being v hard on u. nvm. i will do it myself. if i need help. i will ask.. yep.

i do think tt sometimes wen ppl are left on their own. they will be able to find their ways of survival.. of coz ppl cannot always do alone. this is sth tt i've learnt n began to accept after jie told me bout her work n stuff. yep.. bt i dun like ppl to try to interfere. perhaps this is e right word bah. they think they are helping me. bt they are not. they are jus doing things tt i believe i shld haf control over.
























take responsibility of ur own life. if i really ever end up regreting tt i help tt friend. tt's wat i deserve. tt's my decision. n honestly n blatantly.. this is my life. yep.. i noe as a friend. she wld wan to help. i often persuade my friends n try to influence them to make decisions. bt i seriously haf nv done sth like this before. yep.

there is a blank in between because i cut away e stuff i wanted to write. i wanted to write e "story" down. bt i deleted away. for fear of her seeing it. it's nt tt i'm afraid of losing this friendship.. coz if there's ever a friendship where saying wat i feel is nt acceptable. i wld rather nt haf tt friend.. bt i'm jus afraid tt she wld feel upset. she wld feel tt her kindness was nt appreciated.. she wld feel tt it's v hard to be friends w me. if we no longer be such good friends or even friends. so be it. i dun wan a situation whereby she noes. bt she pretends she dunno. n there's jus an invisible wall between us. yep. i'm really v scared of such a situation n sick of worrying for such situations. yep.

after e previous post or sth. i thot tt actually i was starting to haf expectations of my JC friends. bt i guess... no bah. after yest's thinking. nope. it wasn't an expectation of a good friend. it's jus an expectation of everyone around me. as long as u noe me. yep.. so ya..

haiz. k la. dun talk bout tt le. if i can't say. i will do sth to change it. i'm trying. trying to be organised. trying to be independent. trying to be responsible. trying to nt procrastinate. trying nt to ask for credit. trying to make myself more learned. trying to make myself more skilled. trying to make myself skinner:P hehehee.

yep.

anw. i've decided to quit guitar.

i dunno whether is this e right decision anot. let time tell me. bt for now. i've alr decided to quit. unless(as i've told waimin) there's someone who strongly opposes n tt person mean sth to me.. n most importantly.tt person is able to persuade me to continue. den i will continue..

maybe u guys will think tt i'm crap. after a super long post on how i've decided to continue in guitar. here i'm saying i will quit.. bt honestly.

1) i've no worries or awkwardnes bout quitting anymore
2) if those ppl dun give a damn bout me, why on earth shld i give a damn bout how they think bout me? yes. they might say. wah tt person, quit guitar. no perserverance.. let them say. who cares.
3) yes. i shldn't give up at e slightest prob. bt honestly. it's nt e slightest prob. it's sth tt will make me sad. make me frown whenever i think of gng guitar. it's jus a fri prac. prob 2hours. playing 2 songs tt i've played countless times. bt i still feel dreadful of gng. it isn't any shit big prob. bt i dun see any point in torturing myself. usually i persist because of passion, because of praise, because of necessity. bt there isn't any of e reason for me to persist.

let ppl say bah. i went to think bout it. yes. if i can last thru, at least in future i can look back n like marvel over how determined i was. bt wat's e point if i'm always complaining.. always thinking. fretting.. wat's e point? maybe i'm nt as popular as wat i think i'm.. bt i dun haf to make myself THAT unpopular..

anw.tong. if u ever haf time n u see this post n i've nt told u bout it yet(quite unlikely).. bt ya. i jus wish to say tt. tt time everything around me was v smooth. so nvm. if i go to guitar like a loner. bt i was wrong. i guess i was too confident bah. 1 thing came crashin done. e other nearly. e other became unstable. n got 1 more is jus out of contact.. yep.. n even if everythin was still stable n in a full piece. tt few hours of guitar every week is still unbearable for me.

yep.. if i m thrown into my sis's situation. where she really dun wan to like study honors coz she dun really like her school.. i guess i'll still do it. coz of necessity.. coz i wan a better pay.. coz i wan more money... or otherwise. if my results are good. i will be doin for praise. or rather honour. bt in this case. no man. i've other CCAs to join. n tho i've nv contributed to gift for this reason. if i m in times of need. i think gift can still give me e testimonial tt i need. yep. maybe u guys dun believe so n think tt i'm jus making use of gift. bt i guess time will prove it bah.. yep.

so i've decided to quit. yest i didn't go for e prac. i dun think i wld even finish performing my last time at e sch's open house bah. if i wan to quit. i will quit now. make it snappy. why still drag. anw. nt much feelings of bu4 she3 also.

yep. i really wld rather help miss lim be an usher. haha. at least. miss lim was thinking of me n zeni as helpful ppl who wld help her. n she trust us to be able to do it. unlike nicholas:P hahaha. yep.

n anw. THANKS ANCESTOR for supporting my decision! really thankful to hear my one n probably e only supporting voice for my this decision. bt it's alright. it's my decision. i only haf to account to myself. n anw. ancestor. even if one day i regret this decision, i wun blame u(: coz it's my decision! thanks for giving me tt affirmation tt i wld v much appreciate! THANKS!:D love you!:D

yep. k la. quite a bit of stuff alr.. i wan to go read my book. later watch tian1 cai2 chong1 chong1 chong1.

anw. since i wun be so busy preparing for SYF.. i wld try to make meaningful use of my time(: yep. see whether will i be able to do it anot(:

kheng.
11/10/08
1813
I became prettier at 5:35 PM

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