continued frm "hwee-jie. i will be ur junior next year"
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
wah. after bloggin. saw norman online. talked to him. yep. n went his blog.den linked to all e ppl's blog. S04. matt. amanda. aiman. xinru. wuhong.... quite a number. yep. saw some things which also made me a bit sad. haiz. bt yep. after e reading, spamming. i feel slightly better. will do my pw. dun wan to find excuses for myself. yep.yep. perhaps i'm still away frm fully into S04 bah. norman kept sayin he feel bad for bein unable to join e rest.. n yet. i'm here. can go bt nv go. i keep havin e feel tt to sijun, wh n those potential retainees. whoever is there today are ppl who really care.. n someone. i do mind being someone whom they label as "dun care".. haha.. maybe many years later. they think bout it. i wld be rmb-ed as "dun care".. yep.. bt dun go coz of wat ppl think bah. if i go, it'll be because i wan to make sj they all feel better. yep. might nt be me. unlikely to be coz of me. bt maybe w every extra person tt's there. they will feel better bah. yep. bt still. i chose nt to go. yep. dunno also. jus thinking maybe is coz everyone v sad, den i start to become v sad wen actually i aren't tt close to them, tt i will actually travel all e way to amanda's hs n like "party for the last day" w them. bt jus coz of e atmosphere. yep. guess i can jus say. i m nt tt type bah. i'm still nt someone who will go to a friend's hs to party at night.. i m still considered a "guai1 gia" tho i v much think i can be an ah lian n haf shown certain ah lian characteristics:P yep.anw yep. i really do mean it tt i feel for them. nt jus anyhow spam de. bt perhaps still nt to e extend tt i will go amanda's hs bah. yep.. feel like talking to tong bout this. bt wonder wen will we haf tt time. yep. anw. will keep this in mind:P hee. ya la. jus nw tt post was a total "feeling" post, nw is kind of like getting back into control post. yep. bt no matter wat, i still mean wat i say. jus tt now tt ji1 ang2 is over le. n tt's jus how i'm like. i feel strongly.bt e feeling will go off. it's nt i wan de. it's jus how my feelings work. i can. i can pretend or keep forcing myself to think tt i'm v sad 4 them or make myself v sad for them. bt think tt's nt true bah. if this will make ppl say i'm heartless/unfeeling. i wld rather let them say than to fake emotions. maybe i can't be ppl who will accompany them before tmr. bt i'm def one who is v willing to accompany them thru e days after tmr. provided they need me la. n this is actually e fundamental issue. if they dun need me, or rather if i dun feel tt they need me, i jus wun feel e need to be there. n tt's why i aren't there. yep. n den all e timing, distance factors come into place. yep. if fated to be life-long friends, they will noe tt i'm w them n behind them even if i'm nt there. if not fated, even if i'm there n right in front of them, also no use. yep.maybe this is console. maybe in future i will still think tt i was lousy to nt be w them today. bt ya. i gave to e max of my true emotions le. n perhaps tt's jus as far as wat i m willing to give. n it's jus tt wat i'm more willing n able to give is jus nt this bah. yep.okay! dun think le. jus go do pw. no excuses for myself. coz neither slp-ing nor thinking is a way of being there.kheng.14/10/08
I became prettier at 9:30 PM
